Tuesday, May 24, 2011

GOP Contenders Need Awesomeness Like Obama!



By: Pamela D. Hart

I just want to tell the GOP candidates currently running for the 2012 Presidency to STOP. You don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning.

According to the Left, EVERY GOP candidate is a stupid jackass and should go crawl under a rock, because none of them can walk and chew gum at the same time, let alone comb their own hair! And forget about speaking! They sound like Elmo with a wad of gum and crackers in their mouth, plus they can’t pronounce anything correctly. How could any of them stand up to Obama—the genius? He’ll wipe the floor with all of them at a debate, at the same time, with both of his hands tied behind his back, his eyes closed and his mouth duct taped!

We heard for years that Bush was a complete and utter moron even though he graduated from Yale. But that was ONLY because Daddy Bush purchased his grades! The man couldn’t pronounce nuclear, for Pete’s sake! Never mind that Obama mispronounced corpsman, not once, but two times…that was the teleprompter’s fault! The man went to Harvard! He’s a walking Einstein. No, we don’t have a clue what his IQ is or his grades at Harvard, but that doesn’t matter, and how dare you even ask, you racist! Look at him walk! He’s awesome! He reeks of awesomeness and if the Republican candidates even dream of defeating him, they are either certifiably insane or on drugs and the MSM will be all over that in a New York minute!

Don’t forget that Obama is the American dream come true, because he gave us Hope and Change. I know we’re still hoping the economy will turn around and the unemployment rate will change to below 9% and people will find jobs and stop losing their homes. But that’s Bush’s fault! I realize we’re hoping gasoline prices will fall, but Bush and his oil buddies don’t have enough money yet…those greedy bastards! And if we hoped enough, these things would change. If Bush would just go away all the hopey-changey-happy-feely would transpire!

People need to get their heads out of their butts and just look at Obama! He walks, talks, stands, stares and even stutters awesomely! There is NO way that sappy Gingrich is going to beat HIM! And Bachmann, oh right. That woman is so stupid— she can’t tell the difference between our Constitution and the Dictionary! But Obama, he’s a friggin’ Constitutional Scholar!

In short, the GOP sucks. They are ALL scum-sucking-heartless-granny-killing-poverty-inducing-rich-loving-brainless-wackjobs and should be thrown out on their ears. The party should be abolished because it’s useless! It hasn’t done a damn thing right in decades! It bankrupted this country with its deregulation and tax cuts for the evil rich.

So, GOP candidates, beware if you decide to continue down this path. It will be at your peril. Obama has it in the bag already…he’s a sure winner. His awesomeness will be the clincher! So, if you can find and buy yourself some awesomeness, do it, or else…

**Parody post, in case you didn’t know. I just had to write this considering I’ve been reading how the GOP candidates are being ripped apart already due to their appearance or their accent…and of course, every one of them are utter dolts, according to the Left. I have yet to hear one based on policy, which is what I thought it was about. I’m hoping it’s only because we still have a lot of time before 2012, because I’d hate to debate the Left on these non-issues, they are really silly.**

***Crossposted @ The Oracular Opinion***

1 comment:

  1. If the Republican candidates could get beyond these simple platitudes of theirs, I'd be more than happy to consider them. As of now (and, yes, as a moderate), I seem to like Mr. Huntsman the best.

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