Cultural Conditioning and the "Self"...

 

Buddhism teaches that no innate self exists. That we are interconnected, and that the ego self is really an accumulation of our experiences.  Which includes the conditioning by parents, teachers, spiritual guides, employers, and all the societal norms of the culture one lives in. 

Given all the influences and pressures exerted by those who want to "mold" children into something they themselves are comfortable with and approve of it's easy to lose the sense of who or what they really are. If the conditioning is deep enough it is quite possible, the child never fully realizes the "real" them.

When a child is born, they are like the sponge you wash your dishes with. Bright eyed and non-judgmental (it takes adults to teach children to be judgmental) they look at experience (phenomenon) with wide eyed curiosity and wonder.

The early years, when children are most malleable and easily influenced, are the years that set the child on the path they may very likely tread the rest of their life. When such conditions exist, the person may experience some contentment and happiness, but, it is also very possible they will experience continual reoccurring suffering. Not being, or feeling as though you're not being your authentic   true "self" can do that to a person.

I have personally experienced these feelings throughout my life. My first love was history and politics with a dabbling of poetry thrown in. However, due to a combination of external influences as well as internal confusion I opted to put away my first "loves" and went into manufacturing tat ultimately led to a career in manufacturing  supervision and management. A life that provided a good living and ample security. 

Now semi-retired and 70 years old I have had plenty of time to reflect on, contemplate, and meditate on my experiences, the influences that were brought to bear on me, and the reality that while I may not have acquired as much stuff or had the authority that I once thought I enjoyed, I have come to the realization that my happiness would likely have been 10 fold had I taken the path  I once dreamed of taking.

I'm not alone. Many so called "others" are, experiencing the same or similar circumstances. Putting what they love on hold or letting it go completely to pursue a different course. Possibly for something that would provide greater financial stability. This is perhaps understandable, however, at what cost? For me it was constant anxiety and doubt. Probably because of a lack of self-confidence. Whatever it was, it was not enjoyable whenever it raised its doubting head. Which was often.

The Buddha said suffering is caused by attachments and desire. Well, in mediation I eventfully realized it was indeed my attachment to a great salary and the desire to attain more stuff that kept me treading the path that was causing me anxiety, sleepless nights, and an ever-present sense of worry that something would go wrong and upset the life I was working so hard to build. Much like so many so called "others" have experienced.

It is never to late to follow a different path. If one realizes a course correction would lead to liberation and greater happiness (bliss).  But change takes real desire, it often take great courage, and the willingness to change must be a total commitment if the effort is to succeed. 

With 70 years of experiences, as well as many years of societal/cultural conditioning, I found my way to meditation and a therapist. From that launching pad I engaged with a Buddhist community by enrolling in a two year program that will complete in November 2023. Nearing the completion of the 1st year of the program I now believer that transformational change leading to greater contentment, happiness, and equanimity is possible at any stage of ones life. And the rewards are well worth the investment in time and effort.